This event happened a couple of months ago in my living room in England. I can never forget that incident, which sort of redefined a few crucial things, altogether. I am being woke up by Martyn, my land-lord, who had come down from his bed-room (next door) to clean up the sink ("mess" is other word for sink that could be put in use here) in our kitchen. I was writing up [that is how we call a dissertation / thesis in England or just because we paraphrase others findings in similar research and just WRITE them UP together] the whole of previous night. Now the bracketed text above wasn't certainly true to me because I knew I wasn't trying to be hard or at least lame to my conscience. Conscience. What this word has to do in this context ?. Previous night, I came back from Varsity (a small diner off the road on campus) after having a catch up session with a couple of friends. I had to rush up soon to power up my laptop for one reason that is just so good enough to happen in every one's life. Fulfillment or Complete Surrendering to the self. I am not necessarily becoming spiritual here. What I mean is you have been using all your energy onto something you love, without looking at your wrist watch all night, only to fall asleep, because your body cannot cope up with the somatic surge to sleep. Well I am human so, I had to succumb. Are you planning to press ALT + F4 ?. Please don't do that. Trust me. I admit that this is not a classic piece of fiction writing that I am attempting here. Hang on. I was an Undergraduate Engineer, then, like trillions on this planet. But I was writing up a thesis in Social Science majors, under a module named Program Evaluation. An undergraduate mechanical engineer writing up a thesis on "Evaluation of Information Dissemination in World Bank Development Projects". This isn't making sense right ? Information or bank or development ?. All these words would have rendered me nervous a few years back. But not after I saw the fact that I could be more than what I know about myself right now. It is just foolish to call myself as someone.Well, I got the project from the bank allowing me to contribute to the research. It wasn't an sense of achievement then, after submission and rewards. Am I boasting here ? May be because, I am getting fresh and thrilled. Four curious things happen when you do every thing you can to participate in a competition for which you are ready almost any time of the day.
1) You Get Stupid (You Don't Know when this happens, so leave it.)
2) You Get Empty (You Know when this happens, so fill it.)
3) You Get Filled (You Don't Know when this happens, so leave it.)
4) You Get It. (You Can Never feel this.)
Try your best to stay awake amidst the prettiest things, when you cannot sleep. Wander every where as if you could be there in every frame, every instant and pretty much an entity in every thing, you would want yourself to be seen in a short period in future.
"The beauty of this feeling is you can only get better if you are prepared to tear your identity every now and then, to get one for yourself."
FYI: I still don't have an ID but I have access to all places in this chain of self-revival.
It is 4.00 Hrs in the morning. I am off to a mile run along the coast of Chennai.
