Sodium Memories - A Chemical Alter - ego

Is the title weird?. No.You will find it out, when you read further. I started to write this blog, mainly because I happened to suddenly remember some incidents in the past. Memories. Fine. Then what does Sodium signify in this context??. Simple. It happened under a Sodium Vapour lamp of my household, back in Chennai, India. What is so special to ace a blog??. For me when I share things, they proffer motivation. I am right now living in an apartment, in a county in Central England. Incidental, as it may sound, I have a well-lit sodium lamp, whose light is translucent through my bed-room window. It gives me a ride to the past, that could be called as ancient enough, as I was on my high-school vacation. Very Young. Pro-active. Possessive. I lived in a neighborhood, that attracted the young ones to play games of all sorts. Outdoor. Every evening, soon after dusk, we meet to chat, to shout, and to involve in all types of frivolousness. I still remember the fact that I never had a goal. A focused path to take life, out of high school. Careless. Concerned all about a job, which I would get to make my parents happy, but not too sure about the fact that whether, would I fancy a living like my mother or father did that time. It sounds like a good long-term goal, for an high-school kid to forebode a career. Blunder. I wonder and realize now that if you feel that your life is smooth, without you having to necessitate your decisions, the righteous ones, the ones that you are confident in shaping a career, then there is a possibility of dead-lock. Never create these instances in life. Result is contrition. Fortunately, in my life, I never had time to sit and regret. Counter-energy, helped me to evade such events. I went to a job. But I figured, I cannot extend my services, after a while. Reasons?? Plenty. Boredom, Servitude and Corporate Coalitions were the bullet reasons. If you think, you always have better options to choose from and you are pretty sure that you would never regret your choice, go for it. Come what may. Hesitation is injurious in life. It is a disease, it eats you slowly and you start to limp, when you are supposed to run behind things, that awaits your passionate flow of energy. There weren't either dilemmas or confusions. Of course, they aren't to be expected. But, they churn you the best decisions that you can make from a list of choices. Handed resignation. That was the best choice and sadly, the only choice. You cannot excel in something, that you are too tired to do on a Sunday morning. It could be anything. A 20-20 match. A sandwich. A trip chart. For me it was my job. There is something important that I wish to share here. Interpretations and observations about life definitely helps in building a strong conscious career. They are intertwined.  The field you intend to work , has to be the best reflection of your creative expression. I am ought to be cautious, when I mix them. But in a number of occasions, there are people around, who could mix it up for you. Precarious. You might find that it doesn't taste good. The mixture could mess up. I went inside the room. Locked in. For the first time, wholehearted, a decision sprouted from the seeds of a swamped mind. I felt brilliant. Charged. Not for the courage. But I found out the weakness that has been dreading me for years. Art of decision making. It cannot happen, you have to make it happen. Orthodoxysm limits an individual's ability to attain fulfillment. Ironical, paradox situations are built around them. If you allow the former, the latter is inevitable. If you cannot even draft your imagination, would you be able to innovate or find inner peace??. No. I don't succumb. Not anymore. It is a mistake, if it is the first time. It is an attempt of suicide, if you sense repetition. Pause. The sodium lights are off. It is morning. Past is starting to fade. Light has taken it's dominance. This light is natural unlike the Sodium. Memories are again resting.